Happy Birthday, mxpw!!!!

So it’s mxpw’s birthday once again.  Usually this means that I post some rambling fic where Sarah gets hurt or hit in the face in some way or other.  But this year...I switched things up.

That’s right. This year: I had a tumblr. And on that tumblr, I did a meme.  The challenge: Pick a pair.  Pick an AU. And I get three sentences to write a fic.

It was a lot of fun.  I know not everybody’ nuts about Tumblr, so I thought I’d archive all 30 (yes, there are 30) snippets over here on the blog to let mxpw know how much we all love and appreciate him.  You’re the BEST, Max!

So without further ado, here’s the story of 30 times Frea created an AU on Max’s birthday.

agentbartowski: Charah. Star Wars AU.

Sarah brought her lightsaber down at an angle, blocking the blaster shot and deflecting it easily into the chest-piece of the stormtrooper’s armor—five down, seven to go.

“So, Emperor’s hand, huh—how long did that gig last cos I gotta say, you’re really good with this, uh, stuff,” Chuck said as he chopped ineffectually at blaster shots with his own lightsaber.

Sarah rolled her eyes at the new Jedi she’d been tasked with protecting from the remains of the Empire: “Not really the time, Chuck.”

Anonymous asked: Mary/Matthew, Wild West.

The shot echoed through the canyon, the noise ricocheting off of the too-red dirt walls so that it bounced back and forth over Matthew. He whirled, gun in place, to see a bandit he hadn’t noticed fall to the ground—and more importantly, the brunette standing at the mouth of the canyon with the smoking gun. “Nice shot, darling,” he said, and Mary “Calamity” Crawley smirked.

chickwriter asked: Mary/Matthew. Honolulu, December 7th, 1941

The soldier Gwen is bent over is moving, so he’s not Mary’s priority when there are so many others in worse condition, but Gwen’s gasp still makes her raise her eyebrow and say, “Yes?”

“Dog tags say Crawley—that any relation to you, Mary?”

“Never met him,” Mary lies, though it suddenly becomes harder to see the man on the hospital bed whose leg she’s trying to save: had it only been twelve hours ago that the young lieutenant had requested a dance at the O Club and she’d told him to buy her a drink instead?

mar210000: Chuck/Sarah, A Song of Ice and Fire.

House Buymore inhabited the wide, boxy manor in the land of Burbank, requiring nearly a fortnight’s ride from the heart of the land. Sarah Walker, recently of House Lannister but now a free agent, made the ride in 10 days to help the citizens of Buymoria. When the loyal knight Ser Bartowski asked her why, she shrugged and said, “Black Friday is coming.”

BDaddyDL: Charah. Legally Blonde.

“How do you think I’d look as a blonde?” Chuck asked, leaning over to talk to her through the open car window.

Sarah gave him an assessing look, though her heart lifted at the smile on his face. “I don’t think you could handle it.”

Anonymous asked: Charah Dragon riders of Pern.

C’sey’s look of skepticism could fill a harper’s sand tablet as he looked at the rangy bronze rider in front of him and said, “Really—you, a Weyrleader?”

“Intersecteth flew Ciath, didn’t he?” Sarah, Weyrwoman of Burbank Weyr, asked.

C’sey wished that C’michael would stop blushing like that; just because the rather unorthodox mating flight had happened (seriously, everybody had expected B’ryce would continue on as Weyrleader, but Stanforth didn’t stand a chance against the larger Intersecteth) didn’t mean C’sey wanted to think about it!

mylifeasashoe asked: Charah, Dirty Dancing

Sarah jumped off the stage, running past the rest of the summer staff: Carina the wanton wild-child, Cole the smoldering cabana boy, Bryce the bellhop. She grabbed Chuck’s arm and pulled him away from Beckman and Shaw, who had stuffed him, predictably, out of the way. ”Nobody puts Chuck in a corner!”

Anonymous asked: Chuck and Sarah: Y the Last Man. Or alternatively, if you’re not familiar with it, Neil Gaiman’s Stardust.

“I’ve always watched people go on great big adventures,” Chuck said, leaning his head back against Sarah’s since they were currently tied up together in the hold of Captain Casey’s flying pirate ship. “They never mention that the ropes chafe, though.”

Sarah couldn’t help but smile even as she rolled her eyes at the star.

mrshekmi asked: Sarah Walker/ Mary Crawley, Downton Abbey

Sarah Walker, American heiress, probably should have been used to grand manors, as her father had toted her from one to the other all of her life, but she had to admit, Downton Abbey, nestled up in Yorkshire away from the bustle of the London Season, was something else. She kept her expression reserved, though, as she climbed from the car and walked toward her new friend.

Lady Mary Crawley smiled at the blue-eyed blonde and said, “Welcome to Downton Abbey—we do hope you’ll enjoy your stay!”

geenid asked: Sarah Walker & Carina Miller, The Walking Dead

Sarah felt her life flash before her eyes—yet again—as the walker lunged, but before she could drive her knife into his midsection, the head exploded and the body dropped to the ground with a wet thud.

Carina Miller smirked at her as she blew smoke away from the mouth of her revolver.

“You couldn’t have done that sooner?” Sarah asked, and Carina laughed as she twirled the gun and holstered it, holding her other hand out to help her friend up.

Neil Asked on Twitter: Charah (and Sarah) vs. Monsters (Pixar Film)?

The first time Violet giggled, Chuck and Sarah gave each other worried looks; it was Sarah’s turn, so she crept down the hallway and peered in the girl’s room, but Violet was alone and Sir was asleep. She went back to watch bad 50s sci-fi with Chuck with a shrug.

“That was a close one!” Violet told Mike Wazowski in an exaggerated whisper, and the monster grinned back at her, ready to tell another joke.

glorianerd asked: Chuck vs. Tangled?

“Seriously, can’t you braid it or something?” Sarah asked the fifth time Chuck’s magical hair tripped her up. It was nice hair, she knew, curly and soft, but it just kept getting in the way.

Chuck glared at her as he said, “Next time the Intersect breaks for the both of us and traps us in a Disney movie, YOU play the girl.”

QuantumGautam asked on Twitter: Chuck/Big Bang Theory? :)

Sarah pushed open the door of apartment 4b and stuck her head inside as she said, “Hey, what’s the wifi password, Chuck?”

“Morgan changed it to ‘stop stealing our wifi, Sarah Walker’—no capitals,” Chuck said.

Sarah grinned back at him and vanished as they heard Morgan’s indignant shout from down the hallway.

mxpw asked: Sarah Walker/Olivia Dunham, Fringe

“How do they look?” Olivia asked, tilting her head to the side in the mirror.

Sarah looked over at her new partner, setting the paperwork for her transfer to Fringe division aside. “Oh, you should wear glasses more often.”

mxpw asked: Kate/Castle, Intersect.

“What’d you flash on now?” she asked, fighting back a groan when Castle’s face changed, taking on a light that said trouble approaching.

His eyes filled with glee as he turned to her with his widest grin and said, “Did you know your file has all of the pictures from your teen modeling career? And may I say, you look absolutely fetch—urk!”

Anonymous asked: Charah, Marvel.

“Really, that’s the costume you came up with?” Chuck asked as he pulled off his red facemask. His eyes were appreciative, though, as he took in the way the black leotard outlined Sarah’s curves and the knee high boots hugged her calves.

“Better a lightning bolt than a spider,” Sarah said and tackled him in a way that told her their silly costumes wouldn’t be a concern much longer.

catrogue asked: Carina and Sarah, Clueless or Fight Club. YOu pick. :)

“At least,” Casey said as he cleaned yet another Sig, “Walker knows how to keep her eyes on the mission, unlike you—for once, Bartowski, I’d like to see you have a little bit of direction.”

“I have direction,” Chuck protested.

Sarah snorted and said, “Yeah, to trouble.”

mxpw asked: Sarah Walker/Mary Crawley, Time travel.

“Hey,” Sarah said, leaning her head back against the grass and watching the sky, “remember that time we conned that guy into buying the Eiffel Tower?”

Mary Crawley looked over at her partner in crime and laughed, shaking her head as she said, “I’d rather not, as I’m too busy trying to enjoy Halley’s Comet and would rather not miss it.”

“Well, if we do, we can just jump forward: next one’s in 1986.”

Anonymous asked: Charah and the Bishops, Fringe.

Chuck, because it was just part of his ingrained nature, was the one to suggest that they bring cookies to their new neighbors. It had the added benefit of introducing Hailey to the neighbors’ daughter, as the girls would be starting kindergarten in the fall and it helped to have a comrade, so Sarah shrugged and dug up her mom’s old recipe for chocolate chip cookies and went to put on her best company smile.

She had no idea that by the time she pulled out the first rack of (slightly burnt) cookies, the world would change irrevocably.

mxpw asked: Clint/Natasha, babysitting.

“I told you the serum wouldn’t work,” Natasha said with a glare at the others that Clint preferred not to remember had led to several instances of the words ‘Ground Zero.’ “And now what are we going to do about it?”

“Hope it wears off quickly,” Clint said, eyeing their new, very green charge, “otherwise one of us is going to have to discover just what sort of hell a baby Hulk can leave in a diaper, and I’d rather relive Budapest before I do that.”

mxpw asked: Walter/Astrid, Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.

By the time they reached the end of the tour, Astrid’s feet were actively weeping, and she knew it was because she’d spent the entire afternoon chasing after the mad scientist with the sweet tooth and the thirst for scientific epicuriosity. Still, his enthusiasm made her smile as she asked, “So, what’d you think, Walter—did it live up to everything you ever dreamed?”

“Oh, yes, Apple,” he said, “though maybe we should tell the man in the funny hat that the schnozzberries don’t really taste like schnozzberries—he really should know these things, don’t you think?”

racecarbrown asked: Tony Stark/Amy Pond, How to Train Your Dragon.

“Oh, hey—I think he likes it,” Tony Stark said as he bent forward a little to let the dragon, which was about the size of a terrier, get a better look at the ARC reactor glowing through his new viking gear.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Amy said, not looking up from where she was stoking the fire—the same fire, she hoped, that would keep them from freezing to death or losing any limbs to frostbite, as Berk had to be one of the most miserable places Tony’s Iron TARDIS had dragged them in the world.

“Why not,” Tony started to say, but it quickly broke into an “Ack!” cry when the dragon, evidently deciding that the ARC reactor looked like food, tackled him.

donotwasteacrumb asked: Carina Miller/The Lydia Bennet, R&J. Well, your R&J.

The text from Aunt Carina (Lydia’s favorite aunt, role model, and possibly, in Lydia’s eyes, the most wonderful person in the planet—and also the source of Lydia knowing how to knock a guy unconscious in less than three seconds, though she certainly wasn’t going to share that fact with either of her sisters anytime soon) simply showed a picture of a nerdy-looking guy with curly hair and said: work your mojo who is he?

u send the weirdest texts, Lydia sent back, but two hours later, her super-secret network of awesome spies friends had an answer for her, so she sent on the dude’s name and the question why? with a smiley face. am i getting an uncle charlie?

mxpw asked: Tavi/Kitai, modern day.

Tavi’s shouting her name woke her, which Kitai felt was a bit unfair, as she’d been up late for studying for a damned final and it was his fault she’d put off studying in the first place, so she glared at him.

“What have we talked about,” Tavi began, “when it comes to Facebook and putting private details of our sex life on my wall!”

“Oh, for frak’s sake, Canadian,” Kitai said with a long sigh, rolling over to go back to sleep, “your mom knows we have sex, so I don’t see what the problem is.”

mkudron asked: Charah is the paring, in Megamind

“And here is your minion, who’ll look out for you” Jack Burton said, putting a small, curly-haired boy next to her in the spaceship. “Just remember that the two of you are destined for—”

The spaceship closed before Sarah or her new minion could hear that last part, but it sounded important.

jupisan asked: Olivia/Peter- Garden

“Just remember: you’re the one that wanted to buy the fixer-upper,” Peter pointed out as he grabbed the box of gardening supplies they’d just picked up at Home Depot, “and when you said you wanted this fixer-upper, remember, I said we should get a chainsaw.”

Olivia put her hands on her hips and studied the garden (which was more like a freaking jungle, in Peter’s opinion) for a minute before she said, “Maybe we could get Walter to invent something to help with the weeds...”

“Then we really will need the chainsaw,” Peter said, and dropped a wide-brimmed gardening hat on his wife’s head.

Anonymous asked: Charah - Veronica Mars

Sarah moved through the crowd easily, shouldering aside two jocks and a cheerleader to get to the guy duck-taped to the lamppost; he wasn’t wearing anything but his socks, his boxers, and the word “NURD” across his chest, which meant he had to be cold, thanks to Neptune’s rather maritime weather. “You’re new here, huh?” she asked him as she pulled out a switchblade and began to saw through the duck tape while the crowd jeered at her.

He gave her such a miserable look that she shrugged and told him, “Welcome to Neptune High—go Pirates,” before she headed off to class, her good deed of the day done.

mxpw asked: Sarah/Carina, Harold and Kumar Go to Whitecastle. :P

“Who’re they?” Sarah asked, twisting around in her seat to look at the guys in the backseat.

“Some guys I picked up so I could use the carpool lane,” Carina said. “You hungry for White Castle?”

Anonymous asked: Chuck Bartowski/Kate Beckett - Kate gets the intersect

Chuck looked up from grading the latest analyses to say, “Yes, Trainee Beckett?” as she had been standing in front of his desk for the past twenty seconds, at parade rest, her uniform perfectly pressed and her expression just a hair short of pissed off.

“Being shadowed by a civilian, that’s not really a normal part of Intersect training, right, and not mandatory?”

“Yes, it’s mandatory, as the Intersect will do everything for you,” Chuck said at length, weighing his answer since he knew Kate was an ex-cop and wouldn’t appreciate the simpler, nerdier answer, or the fact that he and Morgan had gleefully picked the crime writer to pair up against their most severe candidate for the popcorn value alone, “but it’s up to you to keep it from treating things in your life like collateral—no matter how much you personally might want to.”

mxpw asked: Walter Bishop/Tony Stark, Fringe Division gets new toys.

“But...but...how?” Tony asked, tilting his head to the side as he gaped up at the $16.2 million dollar piece of equipment that Stark Industries had graciously donated for the use of Walter Bishop’s team in repairing the rift between universes. “We gave this to you so that I could see the hot redhead more—oh, and fix the world before we all die in a horrible, fiery way that the movie Firestarter made abundantly clear was a bad thing.”

“Yes,” Walter Bishop said, giving the same equipment a fond look, “but have you tasted the waffles it can make?”