Need something to read? Well, Yuletide was unleashed upon Archive of Our Own, which is where I hang out more than fanfiction.net these days, which means that a bunch of smaller and non-existent fandoms (Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me has a fandom now, guys) get the blessing of loads of fic. The authors will be revealed soon, but I've been going through and reading some of the best, and I've culled them here for you to read. I'll match them up by fandom and everything. You might surprise yourself.
The Addams Family
Merry Christmas, Lurch - Rated G, 3419 words, Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams, Lurch/Other
Morticia becomes worried when Lurch is unable to get into the Christmas spirit no matter what the family does to entice him. What - or who - could possibly awaken his holiday cheer? - This fic brilliantly lays out how the Addamses might celebrate Christmas without getting into the commercialism of it all. Seriously, I adore how into it they get and all of the family traditions mentioned. It's a sweet tale of Morticia trying to keep her butler in the Christmas spirit. Did I mention Lurch is my favorite character?
The Bourne Legacy
Belong - Rated T, 8942 words, Aaron Cross/Marta Shearing
The first phase in any mission is always reconnaissance, and he hadn't done nearly enough. "If we could settle somewhere, what kind of work do you think you'd want to do?" he asked her casually over breakfast the next morning. - I'm fully accepting this fic as my head-canon continuation of Bourne Legacy, guys. Aaron has an existential crisis, and it's marvelous.
if you want to sing out - Rated T, 1076 words, Aaron Cross/Marta Shearing
Aaron and words. - I always love a good Flowers for Algernon story (which is why I'm liking the current season of Fringe as much as I do, honestly), and this is a short and stunning look at what the meds do to Aaron's brain and why he's so desperate to be viraled off in the movie. If you're in love with reading, language, or just words, I think this fic will strike a chord with you.
How to Be the Best You that You Can Be! Tips for Better Living by Fiona Glenanne - Rated T, 1037 words, Fiona Glennane/Michael Westen
Fiona writes a self-help book. Humor. Mentions of various characters, implied Michael/Fiona. - Fiona's advice is some of the most helpful I've ever seen. Don't worry about the C4. It goes with everything.
Calvin and Hobbes/Hobbes and Bacon
Attack Chickens, Children, and Other Hazards of Suburban Life - Rated T, 1361 words, Calvin/Susie Derkins
“I'd hate to have a kid like me.” - Calvin, The Authoritative Calvin And Hobbes - I grew up reading Calvin and Hobbes because my dad has most of the books, so I was delighted to discover Hobbes and Bacon this year, and even happier to discover that it was one of the Yuletide categories. This is a gem of a story.
"Worked okay so far?" - Rated G, 3440 words, Calvin/Susie Derkins
Sometimes Susie worries about whether her daughter's fantasy life is actually fantasy. - Now that I'm an adult (chronologically, I guess, maturity still elusive), my mom regularly tells me about some of the strange things I came up with as a child and how many times my imagination freaked her out. This is a great look at having an imaginative child and things you have to worry about. Plus, it's adorable!
The Dragonriders of Pern
Cannon Fodder - Rating G, 1225 words, Mirrim, Manora, Path
Mirrim didn't choose Impression, but Impress she did, and Manora's retirement plans have been well and truly scuppered. Manora knows that weyrlinghood won't be easy for Mirrim, but the life of a fighting dragonrider is likely to be even worse. - So my mom and I don't argue much, in general, but one thing we always argue about is Mirrim, from the Dragonriders series. My mom doesn't like her, but I adore her. She's so progressive and in your face about it, and while I've always marveled at the differences her Impressing Path makes, I never gave much though to the day to day specifics, or how Manora would take it. This fic nicely fills in the gap, and has the benefit of being amazing besides.
A Secret History of Sherlock's Socks - Rating T, 3810 words
Joan is only able to see something of the real Sherlock after she notices his socks. - I adore Elementary because I bro-ship Joan and Sherlock, and this is a great little story that treats them both like full-grown adults...with great socks. You will not regret this fic, my friends! ...With pictures!
The Gashlycrumb Tinies
Titus - Rating T, 336 words
Why is it that the Gashlycrumb Tinies must die? - So if you haven't looked up this series of drawings by Edward Gorey and your sense of humor is morbid, you should get on that. This fic had me laughing out loud in public, and I didn't want to explain that I was laughing at people being killed in alliterative ways. So, yeah.
A Wedding and Some Arrows - Rated T, 1578 words, Clint Barton, Kate Bishop, Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew
Kate and Clint get drunk on a roof. - If you're not reading this go-round of the Hawkeye comics, you're missing out on some fun stuff. I am absolutely loving that Clint is a mentor to Kate, the other Hawkeye. This is a cute little fic and it involves some humor poked at Tony Stark's predilection for inventing things that explode. Even if you're not familiar with the comics, I recommend giving it a read. Clint's really funny in it.
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
A Very Happy Hitchhiker’s Christmas - Rated T, 4248 words, Arthur Dent/Ford Prefect
In which Arthur Dent gets just what he wanted for Christmas, except the tea, and Ford Prefect gets the thing he's been pining for. - I'm convinced I nearly cracked a rib reading this. The author has Douglas Adams's style and voice down so perfectly, it's such a mesmerizing read, and hilarious, too. Ford goes to all lengths to give Arthur a good holiday, and Arthur is so wonderfully grouchy.
The Truth is Something You Don't Have to Lie About - Rated M, 7160 words, Freddie Lyon/Bel Rowley, Freddie Lyon/Camille Mettier
Slight AU wherein Bel and Freddie had a rather physically intimate good-bye before he left for his little soul searching trip and Bel finds herself twenty-eight, single, and "in trouble". However, nothing much else is different. She still has a show to produce, Hector has been late every day for six months, Freddie has a wife, ITV is trying to poach BBC talent, crime in Soho is on the rise, the US wants to put nuclear weapons in Great Britain, and everyone still dislikes Angus McCain. Needless to say, Bel's "little problem" might be the least of the trouble facing the Hour. - This is a pretty neat reimagining of S2 of The Hour with Bel being "in trouble." It stays true to canon and characterization, which means there's some pretty kick-ass Lix Storm, and that's all I ever need in fic. I hope someday I grow as cool as Lix Storm.
the greatest good - Rated G, 2425 words, Helen "Elastigirl" Parr, Bob "Mr. Incredible" Parr, Violet Parr, Dash Parr
God must have one hell of a sense of humor, her mother says, to give the gift of elasticity to someone so stubborn. - A fantastic look at Helen growing up, meeting Bob, and throughout the years of their marriage, how her powers define her and what she wants for her kids. Basically, everything I never knew I wanted, plus I adore "The 'Credibles!"
A Little Princess and The Secret Garden
Prakriti - Rated T, 1954 words, Mary Lennox, Sara Crew
Life isn't easy for Land Girls in World War I, no matter what sort of skills they have to draw from. - Downton got me interested in WWI, but I adored Secret Garden growing up (I think one of my stuffed animals was named Colin, actually). This is a heartbreakingly awesome story.
The Pirates! in an Adventure with Bubbles - Rated G, 1331 words, the Pirate Captain, Pirate with a Scarf
How the greatest friendship on the high seas was born! - Earlier this year, I got this movie from Netflix because it looked silly and like something Graceless and I might like. It was...interesting, and hilarious (all of the pirates are named things like Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate and Pirate Who Likes Ham), and this ficlet is a funny, sweet tale of two boys that just want to grow up to be pirates.
It's Just One of Those Days - Rated T, 2566 words, Bike Cop, Wilee
This is the story of Bike Cop's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. - So if you get a chance to watch Premium Rush, you should do it because it's a great flick. Graceless and I got it last weekend and we about cried with laughter by the end of it. In this movie, though, there's one character you just really feel terrible for by the end. His name is Bike Cop, and this year, he is the Star of Yuletide.
Suri's Burn Book
Harriet the Spy Has Nothing on Me - Rated G, 4175 words, Suri Cruise, Violet Affleck
Discretion. I cannot emphasize this enough. If you are so low class as to sell your own stories to the tabloids, I cannot trust that you will not fabricate lies about my services in an attempt to garner fleeting moments of fame. This is why I will never assist the Kardashians, no matter how much they plead (though if Penelope Scotland Disick wishes to make her escape and reclaim some semblance of a fulfilling life, I have some experience in the matter and will assist pro bono). - So if you haven't seen Suri's Burn Book online, you should go google that and spend a few minutes laughing. This could probably be considered RPF, of a sorts, but it's more an over the top detective story starring fake online personas of children of movie stars. And that, my friends, is a sentence I never believed I'd have the privilege of writing. But it's a hilarious story, you won't be disappointed.
The Bears and the Bees - Rated G, 1031 words, Yuletide
Yuletide gets letters. So, a little bit of explanation is required for this. Yuletide has been going on for 10 years, and it's exploded so that it's popular across the board. Well, around December 20th is the deadline, and so all of the writers struggling to meet deadline will rank how they're doing. If you're really up crap creek without a paddle, that means you're threat level is Threat Level: BEARS. Well, this year, the bears have something to say about that...
The Bar at the End of the Fandom - Rated M, 3911 words, AO3 Tags
PWP walks into a bar... - Another explanation is in order to enjoy this one. So in order to post at AO3, you need to tag your work so that others can find it. This is a little like ff-net's system, but way more detailed. And you have some pretty common tags, like relationship tags (my fics are usually Chuck/Sarah and Clint/Natasha), then general tags (Alternate Universe), but you also have some tags like...Plot What Plot or Porn Without Plot, which is known as the PWP tag. And somebody went ahead and wrote a fic about the tags interacting in a brand new fandom. It's a hilarious, gut-busting, side-splitting analysis of the way of a fandom grows and changes as it gets more authors. Sure, it's rated M, and there's a reason for that, but it's by far the cleverest thing I've seen this year.
Christmas or Thereabouts - Rated G, 777 words, Columbus/Wichita
The summary's a little long to post here, but this is a cute moment in the car between Columbus and Wichita in which he gives her a present. No, not like that...though you're not the only one to think so, as you'll see.