Late last night, I took to Twitter to address some concerns that I had with the fanfiction world as a whole. Below are what could amount to rules. Don't feel bad if you've fallen into any of these traps, though. It's been confirmed that I, Frea, and mxpw have each broken at least once of these rules.

Hit the break for #FanfictionConcerns.

RULE 1: The Head Boy and Girl do not have their own dormitories that share only one bathroom. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 2: The only Shia LeBeouf fandom it's okay to write for is Even Stevens. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 3: If someone gets engaged/married/betrothed within the first five chapters of your story, you're doing it wrong. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 4: If I see the phrase "fuzzy lemon" in your story description, I will end you. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 5: You know what, Harry? It IS your fault that Fred died. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 6: No, poorly-written Sora! Don't share that paopu fruit with Riku! #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 7: I don't care what fandom it is, you can't write Sorkin dialog like Sorkin. Stop trying. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 8: "And then Aeris came back to life and Cloud immediately left Tifa because she's a slut and Aeris was totally endgame." #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 9: Carina did not sleep with Chuck ever. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 10: Xavier and Magneto are not, I repeat NOT, secretly lovers in the mutant academy's teacher's lounge. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 11: How can you write about Lost without actually talking about, you know, the freaking Island? #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 12: I'd rant against Luke/Mara Jade pairings but that actually happened in the books OH WAIT STAR WARS BOOKS ARE FANFICTION. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 13: Buffy did NOT remove Giles' glasses "seductively", okay? #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 14: The next time I have to read Mal calling River "Albatross" in a tone described as "husky" I am going to kill someone. #Fanfictionconcerns

RULE 15: The next time you want to start a MWPP fic with Lily at King's Cross starting Year 7... don't do that. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 16: Pretty sure Obi-Wan and Anakin never slept together. #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 17: Ginny and Draco? Really? #FanfictionConcerns

RULE 18: Why does everyone want Kirk and Spock to be gay? #FanfictionConcerns


  1. mxpw6.7.11

    Carina slept with Chuck in Double Agent. SO THERE.

  2. Anonymous6.7.11

    Wait...Kirk and Spock aren't gay? Then everything Andy Dick said at the roast was a lie? Damn it! Thanks oodles, guys...back to therapy I go.     Jaytoyz

  3. I still maintain that there is some lovely Draco/Ginny fiction. None of which would work, you know, after seven books and very little character development on either part from Ms. Rowling, but while the books were in progress, some fantastic stories. Nyah!

    I will also follow this up with the claim that I was a mere wet-behind-the-ears 18-year-old when I penned this fiction myself. #myexcuse #imstickingtoit

  4. Ayefah6.7.11

    If I see the phrase "fuzzy lemon" in your story description, I will end you.

    I've only recently started seeing this around - what on earth does it mean?

    Xavier and Magneto are not, I repeat NOT, secretly lovers in the mutant academy's teacher's lounge.

    Well, no, I'm sure they took it to the bedroom. It's probably easier given Xavier's limited mobility. :)

    Why does everyone want Kirk and Spock to be gay?

    Blah blah opposites attract, two sides of the same coin, very intense friendship, etc. etc. Chris, this pairing is, like, the ur-slash pairing. Don't try to argue with it. :P

  5. Yeeeeeah, I'm guilty of #9, too. But to be fair, Chuck was on his way to becoming Darth Chuck, and I needed to create tension between Carina and Sarah.

  6. 19: Chuck's eyes are brown not chocolate.

  7. Sorkin one is so true it's not even funny. Seriously FFnet should refuse to list stories for his fandom because no one will ever do it justice.

  8. omg... 13, 16, 17 & 18 made me LOL. You're so right!

  9. Could you writers doing Chuck fiction please stop using the word smirk? It is way overused--almost as much as chocolate eyes--and for those who don't own a dictionary it carries a negative connotation.

  10. Nervert7.7.11

    *snerk* Well said, sk85. Well said.

  11. Rule 9 worked until Morgan went there.

  12. "...for those who don't own a dictionary it carries a negative connotation."

    Hm...really don't think it should be a fanfiction concern to worry about the vocabulary of your audience. Dictionary.com is perfectly free, easy to use, and comes with great phone apps for those of them on the go. So just because Sarah hates smirkers, I'm not going to ignore one of my favorite verbs. Also, it's supposed to have a negative connotation. It's a smug smile.

  13. Anonymous8.7.11

    To be honest, I am also a bit sick of "Tongues Dancing". And people should really look up the difference between a 'briefing' and a 'debriefing' (as in before/after a mission).

  14. Anonymous8.7.11

    RULE 13: Buffy did NOT remove Giles' glasses "seductively", okay?

    I would change that to Buffy does not do anything to Giles "seductively" Gross.

  15. How bout a cannon complaint. You can not be the head of the NSA and the CIA at the same time. Just sayin...

  16. Ayefah8.7.11

    You can be the DNI, which is a cabinet-level position in charge of all intelligence-gathering operations.

  17. Or "Do Not Inventory." or "No Sugar Added." Two acronyms I see floating around work all the time that make me giggle fiendishly.

  18. Nervert9.7.11

    And in addition, BDaddyDL, the heads of those agencies wouldn't be dealing with the daily ins and outs of one team. The heads are political to some extent and liable to turnover. The person heading Team B would be a career type, not planning on moving up the ladder anytime soon as the two agencies would want to keep knowledge of Team B compartmentalized.

    Oh ... wait ... this is Chuck we're talking about.

  19. Ayefah9.7.11

    Sure, Frea, that's what they want you to think.

  20. Anonymous11.7.11

    Have you ever noticed how much sarah cries in those fics?

  21. Anonymous12.7.11

    Sarah at least cries in cannon. The most we've every seen Chuck do on the show is get misty eyed after his Dad died, but I can't count the number of fanfic's I've seen where he's regularly bawling.

  22. Anonymous12.7.11

    I think this is the first time you've written a list of things in fanfiction you don't like and I haven't felt self-concious/ offended. I'm not sure if that means you're lowering your standards, or I'm raising mine...

  23. Wow as a guy who's got a fan fiction story sitting there begging for a new chapter but no motivation or time to meet that demand this sites awesome! Now I can only speak from Chuck FanFiction experience but if I were talking about problems with fan fic, I'd have to say a dwindling amount of writers able to add tasteful angst into their story. It seems like now Chuck and Sarah are together in the show everyones stories are sunshine and daisies. Where is that filthily addictive angst that had me staying up till all ungodly hours of the morning devouring chapter on chapter.

    I can't speak for anyone else but my all time favourite Fics were the ones that followed Sarah and Chuck from when they first met and followed the tangle of feelings and fights that flowed between the two before penultimately putting the two together with an insertion of missions throughout. Those stories seem to be sadly lacking as I make my way through every story that catches my interest. Frea from what I've heard of your story it sounds like the type I'm going to love when I get around to reading it.

    But until then, let's have more people following the story from the very beginning before we reach shipper heaven, for unless you've been through the lows you'll never really truly appreciate the highs.

    Well that's all for my rambling. I'll try to post regularly here.


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