Outtake #6: Grandma's Attic

So, whenever we go on long car trips, my friends and family and I like to play this game called Grandma's Attic. One person starts off saying, "I went up to grandma's attic and I found...apples." And the next person follows, "I went up to grandma's attic and I found...a boomerang and apples." And it goes all the way until you get to the letter Z, reciting the answers backward each time.

If you haven't read Chapter 31 of What Fates Impose, you should read that first, then come back and read this outtake so that you know what's going on. For the purpose of this scene, just assume that Chuck and Sarah are brilliant with memorization (one has a damn near perfect memory) and recite it correctly each time--that way I don't have to type out each entry soooo many times.

But here it is, without further ado, Chuck and Sarah playing Grandma's Attic. While stuck in a car trunk. On the way to their deaths.

It takes all kinds.

"Outtake #6: Grandma's Attic"
Takes place in Chapter 31 of What Fates Impose

: Atrophied Adam’s Apple of Anthony Anderson.

: Beeswax.

Chuck: Captain Awesome’s cleverly creative codename.

Sarah: Um, dolphins.

: Dolphins, really? That’s kind of lame.

: What would you have said?

Chuck: Pppffft. Clearly Daleks, hellooo.

: I don’t even know what that is.

: We really, really need to turn you into a nerd if I’m going to be stuck in trunks all the time with you.

Sarah: Well, my first answer stands. Dolphins.

: Fine. Then I’ll follow it with Everything Elmer Fudd Ever Ate.

Sarah: Fine. You do that. Next up is…

Chuck: Flatulence?

Sarah: Don’t be gross. Fireflies.

: Ha. Firefly.

Sarah: FireFLIES.

Chuck: You can still be a nerd by proxy.

Sarah: I’m not a nerd, you’re a nerd. And it’s your turn.

Chuck: Oh, right. Um, Gordon Gekko Grating Goat Cheese.

Sarah: Okay, then. Hanoi Hotel Hostages. Satisfied?

Chuck: Not remotely, and also, that’s really grim.

Sarah: But not as weird as Gordon Gekko Grating Goat Cheese.

Chuck: By weird, you obviously mean brilliant.

Sarah: I don’t mean brilliant. If I’d meant brilliant, I would’ve said the word brilliant.

Chuck: Oh, right, because you always say what you mean. *thwack* Ow!

Sarah: Shhh!

Chuck: Damn it, that hurt.

Sarah: It did not.

Chuck: I’m sorry, is your name Chuck or is my name Chuck? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the one that gets to say when Chuck is hurt, since Chuck is me!

Sarah: SHH! Geez!

Chuck: Fine. *grumpy* What letter were we on?

Sarah: You’ve got “I.”

Chuck: “I.” Now there’s kind of a stupid letter.

Sarah: You’re telling me.

Chuck: Hush, you. I...I...Ooh, got one. Itinerant Inuits Ignoring the Iditarod!

Sarah: Let’s see...J...Oh, Jack-O-Lanterns.

Chuck: Really? I gave you Itinerant Inuits Ignoring the Iditarod and you come back with Jack-O-Lanterns?

Sarah: Chuck?

Chuck: Yes?

Sarah: Shut up.

Chuck: Yes, ma’am. Uh, Kristin Kreuk Keeping Kevlar...On.

Sarah: Kristin who?

Chuck: She’s from Smallville. You probably wouldn’t like her.

Sarah: L. Let’s see, I guess loser is out of the question?

Chuck: Hey!

Sarah: Just kidding. Uh, lucky...laser-sight for a lathe?

Chuck: Those come with laser-sights?

Sarah: Chuck?

Chuck: Shutting up.


Sarah: It’s your turn, dummy.

Chuck: You sure? Because you’ve told me to shut up, like…a lot.

Sarah: You’ve got the letter “M.”

Chuck: Well, that’s easy, the Millennium Falcon!

Sarah: The what? The stuff dreams are made of?

Chuck: The stuff that—that’s the Maltese Falcon!

Sarah: Oh.

Chuck: And, for the sake of our friendship, I’m going to forget you said any of that. Your turn.

Sarah: Nun-chucks.

Chuck: Ooh, nice. Olive Oyl’s Oldest Origami Orangutan.

Sarah: Panzer Tank.

Chuck: You’re a little scary when you’re violent.

Sarah: A little?

Chuck: Okay. A lot scary. Uh, Quirrel Quitting the Quidditch Pitch.

Sarah: “Q,” not “S.”

Chuck: Quirrel, not Squirrel.

Sarah: What’s a—never mind. Don’t want to know. Um, Remington Rifle.

Chuck: I’m sensing a theme here.

Sarah: Your turn.

Chuck: Uh-huh. Well, let’s see…Spider-Man, Superman, the Silver Surfer, and the Skywalkers Saving Some Seals. BABY Seals.

Sarah: Baby Seals?

Chuck: Yeah, Darth Vader was clubbing them.

Sarah: Wasn’t Darth Vader a Skywalker?

Chuck: *long pause* How the hell do you know that and not what the Millennium Falcon is?!

Sarah: I’m selectively awesome. So sue me.

Chuck: Fine. I’m changing my answer. Selectively Awesome So Sue Her Sarah.

Sarah: *sticks tongue out at Chuck*

Chuck: Mature.

Sarah: Taser gun.

Chuck: Oh. A weapon. There’s a surprise.

Sarah: Don’t make me tase you.

Chuck: Yeah, I probably shouldn’t give you ideas. Uncle Umberto’s Utterly Unawesome Umbrella Organization.

Sarah: Unawesome is not a word.

Chuck: You got a dictionary hidden on you somewhere I don’t know about?

Sarah: *pause* Not a dictionary, no…

Chuck: Uh…I don’t know how to answer that.

Sarah: It still isn’t a word, Chuck.

Chuck: You still haven’t produced a dictionary, Sarah.

Sarah: Fine. VSS Vintronez.

Chuck: Er, what?

Sarah: Soviet gun.

Chuck: It’s nice that you stick to your—

Sarah: Do not finish that sentence, Chuck.

Chuck: Fiiiiine. Wendy Williams’s Weirdly Wonderful Workplace.

Sarah: XM148 Grenade Launcher.

Chuck: I’m not even sure that’s real.

Sarah: Sure it is. It’s the current forty millimeter grenade launcher in use of the armed forces, Chuck.

Chuck: Oh. Okay, then. Right. Uh-huh. Well, since you’re a Harvard girl—

Sarah: Shh!

Chuck: “Y” will most definitely have to be—

Sarah: Don’t you dare.

Chuck: Yellow.

Sarah: That was…not what I was expecting.

Chuck: What, did you think I was going to say Yale?

Sarah: …No?

Chuck: Ha-ha, foiled again! And let me guess, Z is going to be some obscure Iraqi pistol two people have heard about, but goes from half a mill on the black market?

Sarah: Or the Zipper That Holds The Fabric Of the Universe Together.

Chuck: Zipper that—that’s brilliant!

1 comment:

  1. "I’m selectively awesome. So sue me."

    Loved that one!


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